And time keeps ticking

NO motivation. Nesting is officially over. This happened with Joshua, too. I know what needs to get done, but I'd rather just not do it. Laundry is piling up again. I lete the kitchen go 2 days without cleaning it. Gross. For the last week I've said I was going to thoroughly clean my bathroom. Hasn't happened. I'm not even motivated to write. I'm forcing myself to do it right now because I know it makes me feel better. It's an outlet. When I just feel like saying something that isn't relevant or appropriate at the given moment, I can when I write. It's easier to write sometimes, than it is to tell Chris to put the TV on mute 10 times in a 5 minute period.



Random thought #1: At night, I get up and go to the bathroom every hour and a half to 2 hours. My blinds in the bathroom are open all the time. I'm not sure what constellation I look at every night, but, I look at it EVERY NIGHT. . .every 1 and a half to two hours. I should just go outside and figure it out one night. I bet it's Leo. Maybe I'll do that tonight. We'll see.



Random thought #2: My hands smell like playdough and I have bubbles in my hair.



Random thought #3: I'm tired of The Little Einsteins, but it lets me get stuff done. Ha. I'm not getting anything done right now. It is the background music to my wasting time right now.



Random thought #4: Joshua likes to pretend that his teddybear is a baby. We wrap it up and rock it. . .burp it and he puts it to bed in Caylee's crib. Cute, huh? Then, when he's all done, he throws it up in the air, and Chris doesn't fail to say, "But we don't throw babies. . ."



Random thought # 5: The bathroom could be half clean by now.



Random thought #6: "Linestines" are over now. . .should I put on Reading Rainbow, or "play markers"?



Random thought #7: Seriously no motivation. None.



Random thought #8: WHY IS IT ALREADY 90 DEGREES????!!!! It's the middle of April!!!!!!! My floor will never be clean again. Chris is going to get a baby pool. It will be a baby-doggie pool and mud and dirt like it better inside my house on my freshly mopped floor.



Random thought #9: I'm really not hesitating or thinking before I type any of these random thoughts. This is not a well thought out blog. I'm just venting what's inside this hormonal pregnant brain of mine.



Random thought #10: My midwife told me that if I haven't popped by 39 weeks, they would induce me if I wanted. I don't want to be induced again. It was a horrible experience. I really want my body to do this on it's own, but I don't want to go to 41 weeks. It's disheartening when an ultrasound technician tells you that your placenta is old and don't have any amniotic fluid left. What's wrong with my body? Why didn't Joshua come out by himself?????



Random thought #11: Irritated. Now, I just feel irritated. Enjoy the rest of your pregancy, people say. It will be my last, but who enjoys being kicked in the ribs every morning at 7 AM while a toddler is pulling covers off of the head saying, "Would you like break-tist? How 'bout waffles and eggs or oatmeal?" And peeing every hour is getting old. . .not to mention having to eat carefully to control my freakin' blood sugar. I have to make myself bleed 4 times a day to prove that I don't eat icecream and frenchfries with my vegetables. My belly is sitting on my lap. It's gross. It feels like a 15 pound basketball that I can't put down. And it gets in the way of my cuddle time with Joshua. Not to mention the fact that I run into things and open doors on my belly at least 5 times a day. Why can't I just get it through my head that I can't squeeze through tight spaces any more!



Random thought #12: I won't even be able to go swimming until July after I have the baby. That really, really blows.



Random thought #13: My pretty flowers that I put in my favorite latte mug are now dead. Staring at them makes me sad. I need to throw them out.



Random thought #14: I put on a different episode of The Little Einsteins. I feel like a horrible mother. TV is babysitting my child. I swore I would never let that happen. Chris has the car, so I can't go anywhere with him. I'm not taking a walk or going to the park when it's over 90 degrees. . .especially pregnant when I feel 10 degrees hotter than I really am. Irritated again.



Random thought #15: One more week until I'm officially full term, but that doesn't mean anything. What that means is I can hope for a week until I'm not pregnant anymore or I can face reality that it could be another 5. FIVE more weeks. That is an eternity.



Random thought #16: I sure am negative today.



Random thought #17: Not feeling better yet.



Random thought #18: When I was 18 years old, i felt so pretty. That's when I had the most confidence in my body. Now, my 2 year old son tells me that I'm pretty all the time. He doesn't know that my pregnant body is 10 times larger than my non-pregnant body. I showed him a picture of me when I was eighteen and I asked him who that was. He said, "I Don't Know. . ." He thinks pretty is a round stomach and a butt that counter balances it? I asked him what pretty means. . .he said as he demonstrated, "when you hug and love and when you're nice. . ." Then, I added, "and when you like the way someone looks on the outside, like the hair, eyes, smile, clothes. . .but it's also when you like them on the inside. . ." Chris thinks he does understand the physical aspect of it, though. Joshua points out girls on TV and says that they're pretty. He prefers blondes. I must just be pretty in a different way to him. In the better way. I think we should try to see life like the eyes of a child, more often. It's pretty mind blowing how shallow we adults can be.

Okay. . .random thought time is over. I started this blog at 11:00 AM and it's actually 11:00 PM right now. I should be in bed right now, but my brain won't stop chugging away. It's like a train that doesn't stay on track. It goes back and forth and back and forth. . .getting nowhere and not letting anyone cross the tracks. So, there's this long line of cars getting pissed off at the fact that the train is in the way. I would say that the cars symbolize life in general. . .sleep in this instance. I am tired. I'm just not.

So, let me tell you a story. Then, I'll go to bed. Chris brought home a baby pool today. Joshua decided he'd rather be in it naked than with a swimsuit on. I think he didn't understand the concept of it. They are shorts, right? So, after about a half an hour of play, I decided I might better tell him not to pee in the pool. So, he got out and with much concentration and a slight squat (it was really cute and funny) he peed a whole lot in the rocks. Then, I told him that I smelled doggie poo poo. I talk to him just to talk sometimes. It makes me feel like a human being. Then he went out into the rocks (bare in mind that he was completely naked) and I couldn't quite hear what he had said until it happened. He squatted down, legs together, like he was going to sit in a chair, only, this child didn't have a chair to sit in. It was incredible the strength that he had in his stomach to do this. His face turned red with clenched fists and then I heard it. I heard what he had said 10 seconds ago. "I'm going to poop like the doggie." And he did. Much as I tried, I couldn't stop laughing. Me and my big, jolly Santa Claus belly laughed all the way to the bathroom dragging my two year old with me to get him to finish pooping on the potty. I laughed so hard it made my stomach hurt. I told him that only doggies poo poo outside. I said, "Mommy, Daddy, Oma, Opa, Nanny, Pappy and even Katie and Emily ALL poo poo on the potty, so don't poo poo outside anymore, okay?" He said, "Okay. " Long, long pause, "But I want to go pee outside! May I please pee pee outside?!" And so the potty training begins. I'll let him pee outside anyday if it saves money on diapers. We're going to be buying twice as many in a few weeks, ya know.

Seriously, I'll go to bed, now.