Even though Joshua is a VERY SMART little boy, I have to remember that he is only two and a half and he doesn't know how to express his every emotion. As I think back to this morning, I have come to realize that when I felt like I needed alone time, I disrupted his normal routine by letting the TV babysit him as I checked my email. He needs his mama time in the morning and he didn't get it. Caylee was still asleep. I heard her starting to wake up on the baby moniter. . ."Cars" was blasting on the TV. Not 3 minutes later I heard a little hand smack my baby girl on the tummy 5 times (this I later found out from Joshua as he confessed what he did) and then came the screams from my 3 month old. I ran in there and with a very raised voice asked Joshua what he did to his little sister. He was just shocked at my tone. . .and as his eyes widened. . .he didn't know what to say to me. I usually use a very calm and assertive tone, but truthfully, this whole thing scared me because I didn't know how hurt she was or if it just startled her. So, I escorted him to his room and repeated myself. As my little boy's lip puckered up in sadness at his mama's reaction to hitting his baby sister, I gave myself a little reality check. Just like a parent of a precious little two year old testing limits and learning lessons, God probably doesn't like to watch us make mistakes. But, he lets the consequences teach us what we need to know. If he didn't do that, we wouldn't learn. I wanted to hug him and yell at him at the same time. So, as he cried, I took some time to cool off and later talked to Joshua about his actions. He was very remorseful. He really is a little sweetheart. I think I used too big of words and ideas for him sometimes, but then he seems to "get" it. He understands WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to much for a kid his age. In a sad voice, I told him that I work hard to take care of him and Caylee every day. I told him that I protect him and I protect Caylee, but I shouldn't have to protect Caylee from him. Yeah, I know. Big concept. But, if you don't think he understands this, you don't know my son. He very remorsefully said, "I'm sorry mama," He frowned with a sad face and gave me a hug. Then, he said, "I have to go tell Caylee that I'm sorry." And yes, he does use all of these words. I explained I was very disappointed at his actions and that we'd have to figure out some type of consequence. Then, I went to the livingroom, lavished Caylee with attention and told her that I was sorry that her brother hurt her. Joshua layed down on the carpet in a fetal position and with an embarassed voice said, "I'm sorry, Caylee for hitting you." We decided that his punishment would be to take away all of his toy cars. He very willingly picked them up and helped me put them away. He's got quite a collection. He gets one car back. . .at a time when I catch him being nice to her. Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. Maybe I take it too seriously. I don't know. I just don't want to mess up my kids. And my relationships with my children are very important to me. I think God gives us multiple children to teach us what it's like for him. Sometimes I think about how Christians treat each other. People being children of God sometimes forget that we are each other's brothers and sisters. . .what a profound thought. How easy it must be for God to love all of us. Being a parent, I can't imagine it any other way.